UBSS has had another busy month underground, and as ever, we're bringing you selected highlights of activities underground and overground (and wombling free!). We're open to contributions of all types, written, photographic and musical! And videos are particularly welcomed with a new production company entering the lists this month, as Zac Woodford's Speleonaut Productions joins Jess Brock's famous Cave Productions in a bid for fame at the Oscars.
With the decline across the caving world of physical logbooks in caving huts, we would very much like to put together an online log of activities recorded in our monthly newsletters and so we're hoping to revive use of the online trip record form Zac created during his term as student newsletter editor. This will give us basic trip details that can be complied into a entry of who, when, where that can be supplemented by photos and some longer write ups. Please take a moment to record what you've been up to, so your future self (and others) can look back and mutter, "Did I really do that?"
As requested by Megan Malpas, we've included some more 'short friction' in this month's issue, as Linda jumps back into her long-standing obsession with the works of JRR Tolkien. We're always open to more fiction (or indeed, friction)!
Apologies to anyone traumatised by rats, but we're simply doing our best to give the little whiskered darlings a good home following their (partial) eviction from UBSS's premier shared caving house in the aptly named Deep Pit Road!
If you want check out previous issues, you can find them all here. You can also find a scanned archive of all our paper issues from 1919 to 2017 here.
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MENDIP CAVE RESCUE TALK TONIGHT!
Two members of Mendip Cave Rescue (MCR) will be giving a talk this evening at 6.30pm in the Stables tonight, 7th May 2024. This is aimed primarily at students who want to know know more about MCR and also how to provide some emergency aid in a rescue situation.
Please email or WhatsApp Safety Officer Merryn Matthews if you would like to come along. There might even be snacks and something to drink!
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WE GOT SILVER!
Yes, even for caving it's now all about getting a gong, or at least in the eyes of Bristol SU it is!
Bristol Students' Union runs an accreditation sceme for all affiliated societies "designed to help recognise and reward affiliated student groups who provide an excellent experience for their members. The scheme is designed to help groups build on their strengths whilst also identifying weaknesses in their existing offer. Achieving accreditation shows your members and potential members how much they are valued and gives them confidence in your ability to provide an outstanding student experience through your group."
There are 20 criteria, with the vollowing scoring system:
- Bronze – for groups who achieve 6-10 criteria
- Silver – for groups who achieve 11-15 criteria
- Gold - for groups who achieve 16-20 criteria
Due to a Herculean effort by former Student President Mia Jacobs (including meeting two more criteria at the 11th hour, UBSS has achieved Silver Accreditation. The boxes we ticked this time were: website, taster sessions, budget, feedback, internal collaboration, equality, employability, rate my group, handover, democratic elections, training.
Despite a programme of 'sober socials' organised as a series of talks, we failed to meet that criteria as we didn't read the small print that said the socials had to be nothing to do with our core aims. This naturally caused a good deal of head scratching as presumably people join a caving club because they're interested in caving! Oh well, next year, we'll start the Crisp Socials and Nature Walks a bit earlier to get the proof we need that the caving club is not obsessed with caving at all.
Anyway, congratulations to all involved in getting silver!
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JESS'S TOP SRT TIPS
Our model has not get graduated from the Jess Brock Training Academy!
Jess Brock has invested a huge amount of time training UBSS members new and old in SRT and has kindly put together some top tips for anyone who is now starting to gain their own experience underground.
The world of SRT is always changing. New methods come in, old methods go out. It is an ever flowing river of knowledge that is passed from caver to caver. As a caver with eight years SRT experience and a wealth of generational knowledge from growing up in a caving family, I’d like to offer some top tips.
1. As with all things SRT, each person develop their preferred way to do things and to rig that kit, but that does not mean that you can skip safety. Done wrong SRT can kill you, all it takes is to forget to put your cowstails on your central maillon and go to clip in on a deviation and SPLAT! So bear that in mind - everyone has preferences and everyone is responsible for their own safety.
2. Always tie up your hair. Back in the day, descenders snatching long beards was the big fear. The same goes with long hair on your head. You don’t want to be mid pitch ripping out hairs from your stop or jammers. Too big a bunch and it will impact your gear! Buffs and other clothing can be susceptible to snatching so make sure all your layers are safely tucked away.
3. Don’t descend too quickly. The Petzl stop works by harnessing friction and descending too fast causes heat (yay, science!) which wears out your gear at an accelerated rate and damages rope. Not to mention the wear on your braking krab and hands! Also, going too quickly can lead to landing injuries. It’s much better to land on your feet than sprawled on the floor. So, when descending, don’t take all day but think about your speed!
4. Never stand right under a pitch. You’ll always get a better view of the poor sod (I mean happy caver) on the ropes from a few metres back. By standing directly under a pitch you are in danger of rockfall (which should always be signalled by shouting ‘BELOW’), and you are in the way of the caver on the pitch. So take a step back.
5. Rebelays can be tricky. Sometimes they are rigged too small which makes moving gear over harder and you might not have the space to lock off. Sometimes the loops are rigged way too big which sets the trap of descending too far, (always try to stop level with the bolt or knot). And sometimes they are rigged just right which means you can use the loop to stand up in when ascending instead of using your footloop.
Jess Brook
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999 FOR CAVE RESCUE
UBSS Safety Officer Merryn Matthews has put together advice for cavers asking someone to be a callout for them and also for the person who will then have the responsibity for initiating a rescue in the event of an overdue party. Please take the time to familiarise yourself with what to do in these circumstances. And remember, if you are ever unsure of how to handle something ASK. The group chat on WhatsApp is a great resource.
Need to Know
- What cave, location, and route planned.
- Car location and Reg.
- Get verbal callout confirmation - not just text.
- Aim to be out by 1hr before the set callout time.
- Set callout to allow for route finding/hold ups waiting at ladder pitches but short enough that in an emergency rescue will get to you within reasonable time.
- Note all group members names.
- Note any relevant group medical conditions.
- Make sure the whole group has the callout's contact number.
- Make sure your callout will be phone accessible at the required times and not underground themselves.
- If unsure how long your trip will last - ask around for cavers who have completed it and take advice on number of people/route finding.
- As callout - set an alarm on your phone just in case you forget and fall asleep...(don't do this!) and remain usefully sober.
- Whilst caving keep track of the time. Turn around so that you will be out ideally 1hr before your callout - don't stress the person acting as your callout.
- Cancel your callout as soon as you can once out the cave - again don't stress them.
- Ensure you contact your callout by actually speaking to the person concerned. Don't rely on text or WhatsApp messages as the delivery time can be unreliable. If you have insufficient signal for a phone call, try another method of contact and ask for an acknowledgment. Unless you are 100% sure by way of acknowledgment that your message has been received and understood, make that phone call anyway, then your callout can start drinking if they want!
Prior to a rescue call:
- As callout time approaches check you have signal/messages/try to contact others on the trip.
- Try the UBSS group chat in case anyone else has heard from someone on the trip
- If near the cave and have signal, someone can check the cave entrance.
- If overdue, call should be made at callout time - don't delay.
To initiate a rescue, call 999 and ask for cave rescue
- Emphasise you need cave rescue organisation (no, not fire service etc.. if needed cave rescue can call them)
- Within 5 - 10 minutes expect a call back from Cave Rescue - keep your phone in signal, accessible, battery saved and the line free.
- Cave rescue will contact you and ask for your contact details, trip details including the cave location, the people on the trip and their contact details. Their car reg/accommodation, route taken, expected time out. If known injuries details of what, when, where, who. Any medical info for members.
- As callout/trip member make sure you know the cave and car location. (Possibly GPS/coordinates/ what county if trip is in Yorkshire, WhatThreeWords etc)
- Stay calm and clear. Keep yourself safe.
General
- Avoid setting callouts for after midnight where possible- cave rescue are volunteers, and your friends might not want to be awake that long! if your ETA is the early hours of the morning consider a shorter trip, or a next day callout and having the skills and kit to last that long.
- Some caving huts/clubs have additions to the procedure and callout boards/apps. eg the South Wales app. Check what these are, how they work, and that someone will check them when using huts.
- When hiking/on the surface in caving regions (for example your hungover Sunday hike) Mountain rescue/search and rescue groups will often be needed in an incident instead of ambulance. They can be called the same way as CRO (police first) but ask for the local mountain rescue.
Merryn Matthews
Safety Officer
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UBSS ONLINE LOG
A (very) short record of some of the trips in April. To save your activities for posterity, simply fill in a few brief (or not so brief) details on this form. See, it couldn't be easier! Photos can be emailed to your hard-working editors who will be fawningly grateful. If we've missed any trips, we can add them in next time.
6.2.24 Lost John's (Yorkshire) - BIlly Evans, Daniel Rose, David Rose
7.4.24 Gaping Gill (Flood Entrance) (Yorkshire) - Billy Evans, Daniel Rose, David Rose
12 - 14 April South Wales Weekend:
- Craig y Ffynnon (South Wales) - Ben Alterman, Stanley Lewis, Elliott McCall
- Daren Cilau (through trip) - Emily McAndrew, Merryn Matthews, Zac Woodford, Ben Pett, Isaac Neale
- Daren Cilau (to Hard Rock Cafe) - James Hallihan, Olly (Birmingham), Ben (Birmingham)
- Agen Allwedd (the Music Room) - Emily McAndrew, Merryn Matthews, Ben Pett, Elliott McCall, Zac Woodford, Dough (Birmingham)
18.4.24 Eastwater Cavern (Thirteen Pots) (Mendip) - Dan Hill, Stanley Lewis, Daniel Rose, Billy Evans, Ben Morgan
19.4.24 Swildon's Hole (Mendip) - Ben Morgan, Billy Evans, Daniel Rose
27 & 28.4.24 Daren Cilau (to Restaurant at the End of the Universe) (South Wales) - Billy Evans, Daniel Rose, Rory Rose, Amelia Steane (OUCC), Reuban Harding (OUCC)
20.4.24 Swildon's Hole (Mendips) - Daniel Rose, Dan Hill, Billy Evans, Nell Tidey, Charlie Corcoran
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WARNING - PIERRE'S POT
On a recent trip in Pierre's Pot, a boulder was dislodged in the area of the aptly named Nasty Boulder Rift. Please take additional care in this area.
From Mendip Underground: "From entry point from the upper passages, the stream passage can be followed downstream for 30m to a large high cross-rift, Nasty Boulder rift … At the left-hand side of Nasty Boulder Rift, a slightly strenuous ascent up a narrow crack gains a bouldery area where it possible to step back across the top of climb into a body sized tube, The Flyover."
Boulder Description: In the highlighted area (see above), a slope of stacked boulders on the left hand side leads up away from the climb and stream.
The lower of these boulders, about 0.5m in diameter, was easily accidently dislodged, falling about 1m to the floor above the rift climb. It is uncertain whether the rest of this slope may now be more unstable. Boulders would fall onto the floor by the exit point from the rift climb.
Merryn Matthews
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WATERFALL ROUTE - GB CAVE
The rock pile at the base of the waterfall climb just after the wall collapsed. Photo by CCC Ltd director Dave King.
The following email has just been recieved from Charterhouse Caving Company Ltd (CCC Ltd) regarding the re-opening of the Waterfall Route in Main Chamber GB.
As most of you will be aware, a major rockfall occurred in GB Cavern in April 2021, and following a safety inspection by the CCC Ltd Conservation officer and two CCC Ltd directors, cavers were informed that the route down Main Chamber via the Waterfall climb should not be used and that cavers should take the alternative route over the Bridge and via White Passage etc to reach Main Chamber. The intention was to a) see if any further falls would occur and b) to see how the unstable collapse of rocks and mud settled with the benefit of higher water conditions over winter.
Photo taken by Dave King from a similar position in April 2024.
CCC Ltd have monitored the area since the collapse occurred and following a recent trip to assess the stability of the area, the directors and conservation officer of CCC Ltd are pleased to announce that there appear to have been no further major rockfalls and that the mud and boulder fall appears stable, so far as can be ascertained from a visual inspection there, and that there have been no significant changes since April 2021, despite some severely wet periods, therefore as a result of this inspection, the warning signs and tape has been removed from the top and bottom of the Waterfall climb. However, the warning tape above the left-hand side (when facing upstream) has been left as there is a sharp drop on that side and mud has slumped from there in the past.
Cavers are advised to take care when using the Waterfall route, particularly the boulder slope below the waterfall since more settlement may still occur here as cavers use the route. Cavers are requested to report any changes to CCC Ltd for further assessment if needed. Thank you all for your patience.
Gabriel Littler
Secretary, CCC Ltd, May 2024
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UBSS PROCEEDINGS IN THE 21st CENTURY
From some of our antics (little changed from 1919 to today), it might not always be obvious that UBSS is actually a respected scientific body with a long history of carrying out and publishing good quality research. With this in mind, editor Graham Mullan talks about plans to make another move into the digital age.
Much of the output from our scientific work is published in our Proceedings, a peer-reviewed journal of academic papers on all aspects of caves and caving and with a smattering of surface archaeology (where it concerns our happy hunting grounds of the Mendip Hills). The first issue was published in 1919, the year of our foundation, and it has appeared (almost) annually ever since.
I could write paragraphs about the sort of things that we publish, but a better picture can be gained from browsing the contents lists of all the back issues.
In recent years, the nature of this kind of academic publication has changed considerably, and most researchers no longer access papers on, errm, paper, but read online and download copies if they need them. For the audience – and without an audience, what is this all for? – this is both much more convenient and, for open access research, cheaper. So when we decided to put our back catalogue online, we opted for an open access model and so everything is freely available online except the content of the most recent issue. This resource is extremely well used and when the website recently went down for a brief period, I was soon receiving emails from concerned researchers unable to access the papers they needed.
For a time, there was still merit in producing a paper print run, but circumstances and costs change. The tipping point came with the loss of long-standing subscribers owing to the cost, especially the postage costs, and with some requests from members to receive it electronically either to save postage if abroad or simply to save rapidly diminishing shelf space.
So it has been decided that we shall complete Volume 29 this year on paper, but from Volume 30 onwards the publication will be wholly online. This is a radical step, but our various academic contributors are in favour and a sample of the membership I’ve spoken to seems also to be in favour.
Not all the details have been worked out yet, but it is likely that papers will still be produced as pdf files of a similar size to the current ones. This is to allow for continuity of style and also to allow anyone who wants one to obtain a print copy. I have been working with Lulu, the Print on Demand company on this.
Getting this to work properly demands that we have a website fit to handle it and work to rebuild and revamp the site has already begun. Well, it had to when the decades old creaking code finally fell over last month. (We owe the remarkable longevity of our old website to an excellent original job by Si Lee, with help over the years by Andrew Atkinson.)
If anyone has any comments or questions either about Proceedings or the website, please contact me.
Graham Mullan
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TYPE 1 FUN
Survey of Swildon's Hole in relation to the surface displayed on a plaque in the village. Used under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.
Daniel Rose treats us to a lyrical and metaphysical return to one of his childhood haunts.
Memory is a funny thing. An anchor that grounds us in our conception of ourselves. Little else situates us in the self-constructed narrative of events we call life to quite the same degree as recollection. Loose fragments, feelings and thoughts belonging to a bygone era forming the rhapsodic chain of perceptions that we call our lived experience – and from it we derive a sense of what we call our ‘true self’.
These were the thoughts running at leisure through my mind as I approached Swildon’s Hole last week. A return years in the making. A childhood location that I remember distinctly for its wet climbs, its deep pots and its exhilarating sumps – a beginner’s cave that to six-year-old me was the height of type 1 fun. For months the intent to return had rung in my ears, but was yet to reach practical possibility until Billy, Ben Morgan and I decided a homecoming was due the day after our exploits in Eastwater, leaving the Belfry to complete a morning trip to Sump 2 and back.
They say that landscapes are timeless. The serene Mendip area of outstanding beauty truly is that on the right day. Pick a date from any year of my life, any stage or age, and the thoughts would reverberate the same. Pure appreciation, uninterrupted by the white noise of everyday monotony. The journey over the stone walls separating the fields preceding Swildon’s felt brighter than natural – a hyperreal simulation of the naturalist’s ideal, the industrial beauty of farmland resembling more a psilocybin trip than a British day. A shame, almost, to leave the Eden-esque surface to drop into the wet flowstone of Priddy underground, but the smell of the moist riverbank intertwining itself with the sound of flowing steamway was, despite the wonderful weather, too tempting to resist.
The Wet Way was our route of choice. A first for Billy and Ben (as the latter had never before entered Swildon’s). We passed the pools and washing machines with eager appetite, embracing the cool waterborne homeostasis bringing our temperatures to room-comfortable equilibrium. The Lovecraftian squid shaped flowstone tentacles lining the upper series’ ceiling corners provide much imaginative stimulation whilst traversing down the climbs, joining the Dry Way and leading us to the 20ft ladder.
Ladder out, lifeline rigged, we descended and continued our path. Each movement felt like an uncovered memory from the past - a muscle memory, but rather than the phrase referring to memory of the muscle, this was memory of the mind associated with muscle movements, the movement inspiring the recollection of a hidden memory. Connection to your past is invaluable, and forging a sense of understanding as to how you have reached where you find yourself, from your childhood to the present can be, without sounding sentimentally soppy, pretty powerful. Caver’s catharsis, I like to call it. Putting your life into reasonable perspective through the rediscovery of memory that childhood caves can evoke. I felt a connection to my past here, a strange, bittersweet nostalgia. This might sound like meaningless drivel to the reader, and fair enough if it does, but for me, it was the trip’s highlight.
Back to the cave. Ben avoided baptism in the Double Pots but bathed in them voluntarily after some light-hearted encouragement. Some more streamway climbs and we had arrived at sump 1. Now for the fun bit – the free dive to Swildon’s 2. After explaining the protocol of such an undertaking, we dived through and experienced the rush of blood and water that the submersion inflicts on your body. Euphoric emergence into oxygen and land. A high of endorphins that – for its ten minute duration – makes you believe that truly anything is possible. To the caver who has just dived Sump 1, the world is an oyster, the heart strong, the cold a state to revel in and enjoy.
Billy Evans experiencing his own moment of Type 1 fun as he emerges from Sump 1.
Exploiting our high, we marched down the streamway, stooping for ducks, and came upon a slide. Climb up, wellies off, welly-water-based lubricant applied, we slid down at speed. Legs first; headfirst; horizontally. Several iterations of trivial tomfooleries. What better way to express the silliness of the socialised human spirit?
Billy engaging in a moment of lubricated amusement.
Eventually we moved on and, after some more ducks and streamways, found ourselves at Sump 2, which welcomed us with a perfectly tied hangman’s noose next to the dive line. No tomfoolery here, it seems. Not inclined to tempt fate on a Sump 2 free dive, we turned around and headed back the way we came, going up the Short Dry Way on our return and coming out to a Mendip afternoon equally as bright and blissful as the morning had been. Spring sprouting flowers dotted green grass stretches, a splendid sight that, combined with post-cave optimism, formed a wonderful walk back to the hut.
If memories mean anything, and if comprehending your life as a continuous process that you are forever part of and adding to is of any value, then a trip of rediscovery to a place that once meant much to you has got to be worth doing occasionally, don’t you think?
Daniel Rose
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CAVING, CAKE AND A DIDGERIDOO
Left to right: Ben Alterman, Stanley Lewis and Elliott McCall after a trip to the end of Craig y Ffynnon.
UBSS recently joined forces with Birmingham University Caving Club for a weekend of caving in South Wales based at Whitewalls, as Merryn Matthews reports:
The weekend saw lots of big caving trips taking place, with groups heading deep into Daren Cliau and well as visits to Craig y Fynnon and Agen Allwedd.
On Sunday, several people headed to the Aggy Music Room to perform a didgeridoo masterpiece filmed by Zac Woodford as the latest addition to the the UBSS clogs.
Lots of cake was also eaten to celebrate Birmingham Caving Club being one year old!
Merryn Matthews
Emily McAndrew reports on her first Daren Cilau through trip.
At the end of the Easter holidays I finally had the chance to experience Welsh caving and jumped on it. Hearing that Merryn and Zac were planning a Daren Cilau round trip to Cnwc on the Saturday, I was super excited to join them and experience the infamous entrance series.
On the Saturday morning Merryn, Zac, Ben Pett and I got ready to head out towards Daren. After a lot of faff (mostly from me) I left Whitewalls to find the others and discovered Isaac Neale from Aberystwyth had headed across for a day of caving and was joining us. On the path to Daren I was buzzing with excitement. With Zac and Isaac leading the way and Merryn bringing up the rear we headed into the cave.
On discovering the squeeze wasn't all crawling, I was delighted to find that I could walk a fair bit of it and spirits were high. Unfortunately, Ben soon fell ill and it was sensibly decided that he would headed back out into the fresh air with Merryn. After our brief stop we continued onwards, planning to wait at the end of the entrance series for Merryn to return. As we reached the end we were surprised to hear she had caught back up with us much earlier than expected.
After exiting we headed up through the boulders to visit the dry crystal pool, which I immediately fell in love with. We continued following the taped route to Epocalypse Way and slowed down considerably here in my excitement to see every pretty formation we passed. After climbing up to see the formations at Urchin Oxbow, I took over the route finding for some practice and was pleased to find the map and great route description we had from CSS was easy to follow.
Olly (Birmingham), James Hallihan, Ben (Birmingham) on the way out the crawl from Daren- Hardrock. Ben giving James some bombastic side eye for remaining happy.
After breaking at The Kitchen, we arrived at some ladders and many boulders and with Merryn's fantastic help, I was on my way. Following these I was lagging behind on the final stretch towards Cnwc and was kept company by Merryn's whistle playing in the distance. On reaching the Cnwc exit we discovered a worm inside the cave to Merryn's joy and then we were out in the sun. The afternoon weather was lovely and I found myself full of energy again on seeing the view. I had an amazing time as always and am eagerly awaiting my next trip!
Emily McAndrew
And now for the bit with the didgeridoo!
 Left to right: Elliott, Merryn, Doug, Ben, Zac and Emily in the Music Room.
Emily has more to say about caving with a variety of musical instruments.
On the Sunday a simple trip to the Aggy Music Room was planned. After a lovely breakfast and piling all of our stuff into cars, the six of us (Merryn, Zac, Ben, Elliott, Doug (Birmingham) and I) set off from the cottage towards Aggy. With Ben feeling much better and musical instruments in tow (including Zac's didgeridoo!) we reached the entrance feeling cheerful.
After the entrance series (I think I am becoming somewhat of an expert at crab walks between this weekend and the Giants Hole trip) we emerged in the main chamber. A disco light and speaker had been brought along and lots of fun was had singing as we walked along the massive pathway.
On reaching the Music Room we set up with our musical instruments (see the short video of our musical adventures made by Zac and Merryn) and had a mess around singing and dancing before heading back out towards the sunshine.
Emily McAndrew
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Speleonaut Productions Inc proudly presents the chaos that ensued when a group of cavers from UBSS and Brum Uni visited the Music Room in Aggy. Click above to watch the clog.
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TWO DAYS DOWN DAREN
There are times when the wisest course of action is to acknowledge that the cave will still be there another day. Billy Evans tells the story of one of those days.
The plan was hatched in January – a crack team of the Maddest, Cave-Conditioned Bastards UBSS has to offer run all six miles into Daren Cilau and six miles out again. Spaderunner, the 2 x 2m dirt chamber offering nothing but glory and an opportunity to plant a laminated MCCB flag, was the end of the cave and the goal.
Soon, group chats and plans ebbed and flowed as we tried time and again to find people willing to commit to such a herculean endeavour. During our tenure as a quasi-press gang, Daniel (Rose) and I would conjure up images of Ernest Shackleton’s final Arctic expedition; he quickly became the unofficial mascot for our trip, as the confidence, bravery, ambition and endurance he displayed in the face of almost certain death were things we, as first year humanities students, could relate to.
With this image of union flag covered glory instilled in our minds the practice run went ahead with its own particular set of challenges (see last month’s newsletter). After this, the final team was assembled; me, Daniel Rose and Rory Rose would be pressing on to the end, but joining us until the Time Machine would be Amelia Steane and Reuben Harding of OUCC.
We began the car ride from Bristol after a stodgy breakfast of dead animals and vegetarian alternatives. We joked about the magnitude of what we were about to undertake and spirits remained high as we left Whitewalls and began the jog up the hill to the entrance. At 12.05am we entered the crawl and made good time until the calcite squeezes, whereby Daniel believed the way on to be a tight squeeze at floor level. After five minutes sitting watching him batter his shoulder trying everything he could to fit through, his lamp fell off his helmet, plunging him into total darkness – slight thrashing occurred when cramp struck at this crucial point as well. After another five minutes, Amelia noticed the way on was, in fact, above him. We leapt over and, looking back on ourselves could see the 15 x 25cm impossibly small hole he was pushing. A hearty guffaw was had and we soon emerged into Jigsaw Passage.
We moved quickly in the entrance series as route-finding wasn’t an issue and before long the blow-up dolls of the log-book were in sight – we wrote our names and carried on up the boulders behind them. The anti-faff mentality of the MCCB came in beautifully as we got all five of us up the 22m ladder in just under 25 minutes. Over the traverse – which wasn’t as exciting the second time around and down into White Passage. At the top of Time Machine, Amelia and Rueben said their goodbyes and it soon became apparent that the wonderfully concise and laminated route description from Hard Rock Café to Restaurant at the End of the Universe and beyond was nestled safely back at Whitewalls.
“Never mind”, thought we, as we carried on down the largest cave passage in the UK. “Navigation looks easy enough and we’re double ‘ard anyway – Shackleton trekked across South Georgia for three days without a map.”
The bunting of the fabled Hard Rock Café appeared around 5:30pm. We stopped and set up camp and took on some much-needed calories for the leviathan still ahead. The plan was to drop all of our stuff and move light and fast all the way to the end – taking only essential nibbles such as our condensed milk and peanut packs. With little reason to delay, we set off into the farthest reaches of the cave.
With only a survey to guide us, the navigation went surprisingly well through the flat-out sandy crawls and squeezes with in-situ trowels to dig out a hole large enough for the caver of choice. Acupuncture Passage came and went and wasn’t as bad as it was rumoured to be, until we hit Rock Steady Cruise which was a beautiful yet brief respite, with lush sandy floors and ample room for arm-swinging. Soon came the Micron, a tight, 7m drop into the floor whereby we knew we had to turn right at the bottom. We emerged into a streamway and the enticing roar led us downstream into the most cursed cave passage I’ve had the misfortune to tackle.
The streamway was fast – the rock seaweed slippery. Beneath the water’s surface it was a twisted, holey, vertical mess. Every new step seemed to be a danger to one’s ankles – the stakes raised higher by just how far into the system we now were. We eventually reached a narrow rift passage and a short climb down. We remembered there was a climb to reach Restaurant at the End of the Universe, and we assumed we were right above it. We went down and ended up in sharp, barely travelled passage. Muddy crawling through endless wormholes. Godforsaken and bitterly remote. This was not where we were meant to be.
We had a rethink and tried to match the passage with the survey – we knew better than to force the passage to look like where we thought we were. Alas, the conclusion we came to was that we were in Saturday Night at the Movies, and we turned the wrong way at the Micron due to the nature of our bodies revolving during the squeeze down. With no other option, we began the trek upstream – finding the Micron’s rope where we left it an hour and a half ago. We carried on up Ankle-Grinder Bypass, which compared to the cursed Borrowed Boots Streamway was a doddle, until we reached a short duck with plenty of airspace and the hallowed 5m ladder to The Restaurant followed shortly after.
Billy Evans XXX in XXX, the only photo taken before the sad demise of Dan's phone.
Accommodation here seemed more than adequate – and it was not the hell-hole we had heard it described as. However, the extra hour and a half of hard caving had knocked the wind out of my sails. At that point I was worried about carrying on. During some crawling passages past HRC I felt my arm strength dwindling and I knew that most of the rest of the cave was crawling for five hours straight – let alone getting back to camp after that. We had been caving hard for nine hours, and I didn’t have another eight left in me. Rory and Daniel were still keen, however. After an intense battle with my pride I said we should carry on until we reach something committing then we turn back. This came in the form of a 10m ladder at Big Chamber. Looking down from the pitch-head and seeing the vast expanse of passage still left to come when we had already been travelling for a day was a peculiar feeling. The sheer remoteness of where we were was baffling. The rocks were sharp and the passages untrod. Ten hours travel away from everything else – only accessible by other such cave nuts.
After this moment of reflection, we trudged back – and images of defeated soldiers came to mind. I felt awful for having sacrificed the mission for my own sake. But it was better than death, I suppose.
As the three of us locked in, silence fell upon us. It gave me ample time to think and reflect on what had happened. To our credit – we got very, very far into the cave, I think a trip to past The Restaurant is worthy of glory as it is. Then the thought struck us that the cave isn’t going anywhere, and that Restaurant is a lot more comfortable than people had said. Then we remembered that the initial plan was to take three days to do the trip anyway – and that our ambition made us shorten it to two. A 16 hour day was pushing it – especially considering we would still have another five hours the day after.
We were not giving up; we were re-evaluating.
As we rolled back into Hard Rock Café, our Shackletonian musings became more befitting than we could have imagined 12 hours prior. It suddenly dawned on us that his greatest feats were performed in retreating from his goal; which he abandoned when he realised it would put people at risk. In the style of the best British canonical tales – we found success within our failure. Success came in the breeze and sunlight on our sand-covered faces as we emerged from the crawl unscathed. We had already done what few student cavers had done before; but as we slept in our warm beds the following night, the subterranean Stockholm syndrome kicked in - hearts pumping, eyes flickering and adrenal glands searing at the thought of it - we shall return; and we shall conquer.
Billy Evans
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WTF??!!
Snail, with fairy partially hidden by a rock.
Vistors to Cheddar Gorge expecting to revel in the wonders of nature deep under the Mendip Hills received something of a nasty shock recently, as our guest correspondent Jan Harley reported recently.
Jan, who visted the caves only last week had assured a group of friends with an interest in geology that whilst Cox's Cave is tacky, with its outdated Crystal Quest, Gough's Cave is still lovely, and provides a contrast to its neighbouring cave. However, she wasn't expecting to be confronted by a vast array of glow-in-the-dark plastic flowers, fairies, toadstools, snails and other incongruous figures.
Plastic flower with mushrooms.
She promptly emailed some piccies to Linda, expecting her to know about this spectacular descent into bad taste. Jan says: "I didn't take many of the horrors because it was so awful. Fairies are visible - I'd assumed you would know all about it, otherwise I would have taken some proper horror shots. Just checking with the others but it looks as if they tried to blank them out too. I took these so I could express horror to you, and also so that I could put up a google review saying please remove them. But tbh that pink flower is horrific enough! You can see a fairy in the distance behind it."
Jan commented on the photo below: "This one at first glance looks like a lovely pic, but see on the left hand side ... theres a bit of a blue glow where I didn't QUITE manage to completely cut out the fairy they'd put in there. A column of them up that side of the cave. It's sacrilege really."
Our traumatised correspondent did add that, in fairness to the management, they responded to Google reviews saying that the fairies and their companions had visited the cave for an Easter event aimed at children and had been well received by the intended audience. Although what fairies, snails and toadstools have to do with Easter is anyone's guess!
Many thanks to Jan for letting us use her photos so we can share the horror!
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TOLKIEN AND THE CAVES OF AGLAROND
Tolkien wouldn't have approved of the plastic fairy just sneaking in at the bottom left of this photo by Jan Harley.
Gough's Cave is the cave said by author JRR Tolkien to have been the inspiration for the Glittering Caves of Aglarond that provided a refuge during the seige of Helm's Deep in The Lord of the Rings.
A letter dated 4 February 1971 addressed to SJ Rorke says: " I was most pleased by your reference to the description of the 'glittering caves'. No other critic, I think, has picked it out for special mention. It may interest you to know that this passage was based on the caves in Cheddar Gorge and was written just after I had revisited these in 1940 but was still coloured by my memories of the, much earlier before they became so commercialised. I had been there during my honeymoon much earlier." [The Letters of JRR Tolkien, edited and selected by Humphrey Carpenter with the assistance of Christopher Tolkien, revised and expanded edition, HarperCollins, 2023, p 572]
Tolkien married Edith Bratt on 22 March 1916, so it's clear that he felt the caves had descended into commercialisation in just over 20 years between then and the occasion of his revisit in 1940.
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THE GLITTERING CAVES
Gough's Cave, Cheddar. Photo by Jan Harley.
Linda Wilson imagines a 'missing scene' from The Lord of the Rings as Gimli the Dwarf fights side by side with Éomer and Gamling the Old to reach the Caves of Aglarond during the battle of Helm's Deep.
“Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu!”
Gimli’s axe rose and fell, cleaving the orc’s sword arm from its body.
A thrust from Éomer’s long blade finished the creature amidst a fountain of dark blood.
The dwarf sketched a quick bow. “My thanks. That one was proving troublesome.”
“Does that count towards your contest?” asked Éomer, his conversational tone belying how hard pressed they were.
“I will discount that as a joint effort,” answered Gimli. “The Elf may need the advantage in the game. The fighting is fierce here.”
“I doubt it is easier elsewhere. But we are being pressed back to the cliff. Our only refuge may well be in the caves. If I give the order to retreat, follow me closely.”
“A dwarf does not run from the vermin of Isengard!”
“We run or die, my friend, and I have no intention of dying this night…” Éomer’s sword flashed in the torchlight and another orc fell.
Their enemies were driven onwards by whip and spear, some fuelled by rage and some by fear; fear of their own captains overrode even their fear of the Strawheads, as they called the men of Rohan. No quarter was given and none was asked. The defenders were being pressed inexorably back, step by step, Éomer on Gimli’s right, a man whose name he did not know on his left. When one orc was cut down, another sprang to take its place. The Rohirrim were stout allies in a fight, but Gimli longed for a hundred of his countrymen and their axes to help him teach Saruman’s creatures some manners.
As he fended off a spear thrust from a towering orc chieftain, a pained gasp on his left boded ill. He sprang forward to give cover, yelling again the battle cry of his people, “Khazâd! Khazâd!”
An orc swung a curved sword dark with blood and passed Gimli’s defence. The dwarf’s iron helm turned the blade but it was knocked from his head and he felt the edge of the weapon slice his forehead in a glancing blow.
“For the King of the Mark!” Éomer cried, his sword flashing red again and again.
The orcs fell back a body’s length.
Gimli dashed blood from his eyes. On his left side, his comrade’s thigh now sprouted a black fletched arrow below the man’s mail hauberk.
“Do not pull it!” he warned. “The tips are barbed.”
The man stepped back, sheathed his sword and snapped the shaft.
“Their archers will pick us off one by one. We cannot tarry. To the caves!” Éomer ordered. “Gamling, lead the way. Gimli and I will cover the retreat.”
Step by tortuous step, they gave ground as around them grey arms of rock closed in, forcing the orcs to come at them in ones and two.
An orc rushed at him and Gimli swung his axe. An iron collar jarred his axe, but his second strike cleaved its skull, despite the notch his axe blade now sported.
“Turn now!” Éomer ordered. “I have your back, Master Dwarf!”
Gimli did as he had been bidden, following torchlight into a narrow cleft.
“Keep moving!” Gamling said. “When Éomer is inside, we collapse the entrance.”
Once Éomer reached the rock sanctuary, Gamling took hold of a long wooden pole and swung on it with all his weight, ignoring the arrow in his leg. The rock groaned, then shifted, a huge block falling to crush the orc that had been hard on Éomer’s heels.
As more rocks fell, sealing the entrance, Gimli nodded approving. The blockage would hold, he was sure of that, and if the orcs deployed their blasting fire, they would only bring down more of the cliff.
The defenders had won through to safety. For now, at least.
****
Gimli stared in wonder at the vast cavern as around him the survivors of the desperate battle for Helm’s Deep laid down their weapons while men and women rushed to tend the injured. Their faces told those who looked on them that they had not expected to escape with their lives, cornered as they had been like rats in a trap.
He ignored the clamour of voices and the stamp of horses’ hooves on the dry, sandy floor echoing from orderly picket lines on the far side of the chamber.
Above him soared a vast vaulted roof adorned by countless frozen white pendants that hung all around in long clusters. Around the sides of the chamber many-coloured pillars climbed high, some white as the fair hand of the Lady Galadriel, others tinted with the rosy blush of dawn and warm soft saffron hues. Translucent curtains draped from the roof and clung to the walls, with the light of lanterns shining through. Everywhere he looked, towering pillars stood as tall as the mallorn trees in the groves of Lothlorien, drops of water splashing down onto their flattened tops like rainfall on a spring morning. Some had grown tall enough to form columns joining roof to floor, some were as slender as reeds by a riverside, whereas others had grown thick and gnarled as old oaks.
His heart sang at the sight of such beauty and he marvelled that the Rohirrim had spoken of these caves as no more than storehouses and a refuge in time of war, yet here they had glories the like of which Gimli had never before seen. Not even the great caverns of the Lonely Mountain or the deep chambers of Iron Hills could rival this display of riches.
Gems glistened in the walls and frozen flowers bloomed from the rock as white as lilies, growing slowly but surely over a span of time far beyond even the forefathers of his people. Here and there spilled threads as thin as the finest silken cord, their beauty twisting this way and that into eccentric forms. Gleaming white pearls nestled in beds of dark rock, as all around crystals glittered in the lamplight like hoar frost on a winter morning. Pausing only to dash the blood from his eyes when it threatened to obscure his sight, he lost himself in a world of delight until the sights, sounds and smells of battle faded from his mind.
His wandering feet led him to a wide lake mirroring the glories above and he admired the illusion of the towers and pinnacles of a city of glass and adamant, strong and glorious beyond dreams, recalling the long lost glories of Ost-in-Edhil in the days of the friendship between his people and the Elves.
As he watched, a single drop fell and shattered the image.
“Gimli, your wound needs to be washed and tended,” Éomer said softly at his side.
“This vision of loveliness is all the healing I need, my friend, but I do not wish my blood to stain such perfection, so shall accept what aid is offered.”
Gimli turned away from the pool and was plunged once more into a world of darkness and pain.
His count now stood at forty-two but he would willingly cede the game if Legolas still lived.
Linda Wilson
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YES, I DID READ TO THE END, DEAR RAT FRIEND!
We do hope that none of the denizens of UBSS's premier caving Pit are too traumatised by this week's guest star, but your resident rodents couldn't be ignored (as you've probably discovered)!
Thanks to everyone who dropped us a line last time! Your emails always bring a smile to our hopeful little faces, especially now there is a shiny new [email protected] email address that redirects to both Billy and Linda, so they can both have their fragile egos massaged by an adoring public. Joking aside, one of the things that seems to demoralise so many paper newsletter editors is lack of both content and feedback, but as Jess and Linda found at the Hidden Earth discussion on the subject, most editors don't seem to be willing to consider a switch to a mode of content delivery that's more immediate and that facilitates engagement, so do keep your lovely words and contributions coming!
We'd also like to announce that Emily McAndrew is the winner of a UBSS buff for being the first student to drop us a line at the end of the last edition! Contact us to claim this wonderfully elegant addition to your wardrobe in either red, green or blue!
- Hello sweetie [Graham Mullan] [Editors' note; Linda hopes this was a test message addressed to her rather than Billy.]
- I’ll second the surprise that most will gain from entering Powell’s Cave. I must go down to the cave again, without any lonely sea or sky. [Chris Howes]
- We read to the end! Another excellent newsletter, this time enjoyed in Sweden. Particularly liked James’ philosophical ramblings about the joy of the caving community. While out on the mountain for a late night waffle and reindeer fondue dinner last week, we discovered our host was also a caver and he and Jakob chatted at length about Swedish caving expeditions. Thanks again! [Kat Osei-Mensah and Jakob Annerdal]
- Really enjoyed ‘fear and loathing in trenchard’ – more short friction please 😊[Megan Malpas]
- Delightful newsletter, as always! It was a very busy Welsh Caving Month! [Jan Walker]
- Hello, nekkid mole in a hole! I made it through to the end. Excellent pix, as always, and a good range of stories. I’m still tittering at the bondage society and eeeeking at the car park descent. Fascinating piece about the rediscovered drawings. [Sharon Wheeler and the blessed FT Bear]
- Hiii, I read to the end! Great edition of the newsletter :) The photos were lovely and I am looking forward to hopefully doing some South Wales caving myself soon and seeing the beautiful formations. Hilarious abseiling story and glad it all ended well (with the hair mostly intact). :)) [Emily McAndrew]
- A great read! In my day the Columns were accessible only via a nasty 60-70 ft ladder pitch which I hated. Is there now an alternative route? [Barbara Sim] [Editors' note: yep, even South Wales members got fed up of using the ladder pitch and finally installed a gate on an obscure connection reached via the Labyrinth and allowed visiting parties to find their way to the columns through there on open days. It does present a few route finding challenges but not with numerous parties going to and fro.]
- I did - honestly. [Hans Friederich]
- Hello, naked molerat, lovely to meet you! [David Savage]
Dear rat friend, we love you, honestly we do!
THE END
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